How Queer Joy Heals: Why Pleasure and Play Are Trauma Work
Many queer and trans people are experts in survival. We learn to adapt, anticipate danger, and find safety in small pockets of the world. While those survival strategies help us endure, they can also make it difficult to feel fully alive at times. Joy, spontaneity, and pleasure can begin to feel unfamiliar even unsafe.
At Stillpoint Therapy Collective, our LGBTQ+ therapists in San Francisco see joy as more than just a feeling — it’s a somatic experience that signals safety to the nervous system. When we laugh, play, or express ourselves freely, our bodies are communicating that we are no longer in threat mode.
Therapists like Bayley Azevedo, David de Lancellotti, Amy Toig, and Ellen Ottman support clients using trauma-informed, body-centered therapy. They guide people to rediscover how joy can be part of the healing process — not something that happens after you heal.
Why Pleasure and Play Are Nervous-System Work
Trauma doesn’t just live in the mind; it shapes how the body moves through the world. For queer and trans people, that shaping often begins early — in moments where it didn’t feel safe to be visible, expressive, or affectionate. Over time, our bodies learn to contract around self-protection.
Pleasure, laughter, curiosity — all of these require expansion. They invite breath, openness, and connection. That’s why play can feel uncomfortable for trauma survivors: it challenges the patterns that once kept us safe.
As the body relearns safety, joy becomes possible again — not as a forced “positive feeling,” but as a natural expression of aliveness.
The Link Between Queer Identity, Oppression, and Joy
The LGBTQ+ community has long carried collective trauma. Discrimination, systemic erasure, and ongoing social hostility can make joy feel like an act of resistance. Queer joy is inherently radical — it pushes back against narratives of shame and invisibility.
Queer therapists at Stillpoint often integrate trauma and identity-focused work, which can help clients name the subtle ways this conditioning shows up: not dancing at queer spaces for fear of judgment, not wearing what feels authentic, or feeling anxious when receiving affection. These are not personality quirks — they are nervous-system responses to years of cultural messaging.
By acknowledging the ways oppression lives in the body, therapy becomes a place of reclamation. Joy, then, is not frivolous — it’s a return to wholeness.
Related reading: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. and Audre Lorde’s writings on the erotic as power.
How Stillpoint Therapists Support the Practice of Joy
At Stillpoint, therapy is relational and embodied. Each of our clinicians brings a unique lens to this work:
Bayley helps queer couples and individuals find safety in connection, weaving in attachment and nervous-system awareness.
Amber supports clients through somatic exploration and emotional expression, helping the body re-learn trust.
David brings a trauma-informed and identity-conscious approach, integrating mindfulness and grounding practices.
Ellen specializes in trauma and somatic healing, helping people reconnect to their bodies as places of wisdom and resource.
Together, our team helps clients explore what safety, pleasure, and joy can feel like — not as ideas, but as lived experiences.
Somatic Practices for Cultivating Queer Joy
You don’t have to feel joyful to begin this work. Healing often begins by expanding your capacity to notice small sensations of ease. Here are a few simple somatic practices that can support this process:
Orient to your environment.
Gently look around the room, noticing shapes, colors, or light. Let your eyes land on something that brings even a moment of curiosity or appreciation.Track sensations of warmth or openness.
Notice where in your body you feel even a small sense of comfort — your chest, your hands, your breath. Stay with that for a few seconds longer than usual.Play without purpose.
Dance, doodle, hum, or move freely. Play interrupts survival mode and invites creativity, reminding your body that it’s safe to expand.Share joy in community.
Connection amplifies regulation. Finding spaces — queer gatherings, creative communities, or affirming friendships — can strengthen your capacity for shared joy.
When Joy Feels Out of Reach
If joy feels inaccessible, that’s okay. For many trauma survivors, safety must come first. Therapy helps create that foundation — through slow pacing, deep listening, and co-regulation.
Healing doesn’t mean forcing positivity; it means making space for your full humanity. The goal isn’t constant happiness — it’s the ability to feel safe enough to experience the full range of life again.
If you’re ready to begin, our LGBTQ+ therapists in San Francisco would be honored to support your process.
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